Hammie - LOL's Demoniacal Pet Hamster

An Archive of Hammie's posts, saved by Lady Shadow. Thanks!

	OR
Dr. Jekyll?	OR	Mr. Hyde?

Nobody remembers exactly how it started, but since so many persons ask us what's all it about Hammie, here's a sample of what he's been up to!

Don't miss his journeys, either, as Hammie visits the Hosers all over the world. Thanks to Lady Charyl!

JACKSONVILLE HIGHLAND GAMES

Friday, 25-Feb-2000 07:36:01

Message:
209.214.129.118 writes:Well, it seems the sleepy little hamster that we all loved so much checked himself into the Betty Ford clinic. Seems he wasn't just sleepy, but hungover. He will go through the program and be back very soon.

So, in the meantime. I have come to remind all hoser in the area to come to the the games on Saturday. We will meet at Clan Douglas at 11am..I am looking forward to showing everyone what a great highland games we have.

SEE YA THERE!

BlakwatrClick here to reply
Replies:

Dave: You know the pitfalls of the hamster drug culture, but, they meet the biggest stars .heheheh(n/t) (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 08:43:35)

Blakwatr: It is so true. One day he is happy with his little hamster wheel, and the next thing you know he is cross dressing and smoking clove cigarretes. (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 08:52:28)

Dave: Not to mention hawking his tadry wares, getting action from the Gerbils.(n/t) (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 09:05:27)

Blakwatr: Exactly....you know when I found that little tube of KY Jelly and the miniature whisky bottles I said to myself, "Self, this little rodent needs help" (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 09:18:09)

Dave: Hamsters are delicate, he didn't clip his nails and shave himself bald. Or the whole body peircing thing never works for them. They wear leather until they get hungry, eat half and come home reaking and wearing a thong.(n/t) (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 09:31:55)

Blakwatr: I am so glad I found someone who understands. I am hoping they will let him out for the games. I think some good wholesome family fun will be good for him. I just have to keep him away from the Guiness wagon. (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 10:53:53)
Wendy M. Dave, Dave, Dave, I'm ever so curious as to how you know so very much about the personal and sexual habits of hamsters ? ? ? ? ? (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 11:33:09)

Rabbie: To qoute current DOD policy.... Dont ask.. Dont tell...and in this case PLEEEEEASE Dont Ask.. Just be afraid... be VERY afraid (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 12:13:23)
Dave: Helped a hedge hog thru the 12 steps, she was strung out on helium, every time she asked for help it broke every piece of glass for a mile. Anyway, while attending support, you hear the worst stories, every rodent in withdrawl just spills his guts. Toughens you to the harsh life.(n/t) (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 12:27:07)

Blakwatr: You know, the hardest part is asking for help. Rodents are normally nocturnal animals and all the really good clinics close at 5:00. Everytime I think of the poor little guy it breaks my heart. I found him as he was about to throw himself into the food processor. He had his little leather thong on and enough make-up to shock Ozzie Osborne. Very sad (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 12:40:08)

Dave: Aint it the truth, Bill and company have completely forgotton our sad little friends. The spend thier lives scurrying thru cracks, and then fall thru them. There is help the group named Rodents Open For Life ROFL can help! I can't get enough of them(n/t) (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 13:05:14)

blakwatr: I have heard of them. The motto is "Saving the world one hamster at a time". (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 13:16:17)

Dave: My ICQ number is 61924979, send me a line.(n/t) (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 13:37:22)

Wendy M> Blakwatr & Dave.......Hats off to you both . . .this was a GREAT run....your creative wit is to be admired !! (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 14:08:10)
Dale: And you say the hamster is the one with the problem. KY jelly, leather thongs and rodents. Do your spouses know about this?*VBG* (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 09:44:03)
BetsyE: Oh, I wish I could make it to the Highland Games - to meet this clove-smoking, thong-wearing Hamster, if for nothing else. A bit too far from Indiana, though, so I'm afraid I won't be able to make it :-( (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 10:19:55)

Blakwatr: but you can visit the hamster web site. www.hamstergoesbad.com (n/t) (25-Feb-2000 11:02:54)

JACKSONVILLE SCOTTISH HIGHLAND GAMES
Sunday, 27-Feb-2000 19:12:41

Message:
209.214.129.155 writes:Well, the games were a huge success. No word yet on numbers but it is estimated at around 15,000. Not bad for only our 5th year.
A grand time was had by all. And a big thank you to Anna and Tracey for coming and spending some time with us. Anna I discovered is a Cumming (which explains her Party Animal Personality). And Tracey's DH and children were simply charming.

Now for a Sleepy Hamster Update:
He did very well at the sponsor's reception till he wondered near the bar, and you can guess what happened then. We found him around 4 am in the arms of a ferret. He didn't even know the ferret's name. We took him upstairs and gave him lots of black coffee, but to no avail. He was unable to attend the games and spent the day curled up in his wood shavings sleeping it off. We took some not-so-flattering photos to show him in hopes that he will not like what he sees. Oh, I will be sure to post the photos as soon as they are developed. Maybe there is hope for him yet.

BlakwatrClick here to reply
Replies:

Rhonda A: Blakwatr, glad you had fun at the games! As for the hampster update, bwahahahahahahahahahahahahha, my ribs are verra sore from laughter! (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 19:32:07)
Judie: hahahahahahahahahahahaha ..... cough .... wheeze .... hahahahahahahahaah (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 19:32:47)
Rabbie: Knowing that hamster hell have em blown up into 8 x 10 Glossies hehe (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 19:52:41)
TraceyH: It was good to see you too, Blakwtr. Charming? My, you are kind. Since I dinna want you to change your opinion, I'll keep my wee fiends away from ye! As for DH, he is charming. Thanks for the invite and I'm sorry I missed Anna - YOU HOSER! (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 20:10:43)
Dave: Oh, they fall from grace so quickly. I believe it. They get liquired up and then hug anything. Rodents(n/t) (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 20:24:00)
Judie: (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 20:32:06)

Blakwatr: That is the slutty hamster I found him with last week!!!!!!!! (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 20:51:52)

Judie: Hey, don't call my hamster a slut - he's verra respectable - he doesn't even sleep in his hamster toilet like some OTHER hamsters I know! :-) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 00:01:03)

Nancy V: Look Judie....that hamster seems to be thinking about sex...I can spot these kinda thoughts ye ken? hehehhehehe (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 01:50:10)

M&M: ....and why is that Nancy, or dont we want to know ? You dont have a crush on Stuart Little do you?*g* (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 08:31:47)

Chris: IT's a RAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 09:53:51)

Judie: Nope - hamster. :-) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 12:36:05)
Dave: Hhmmmm. Way too much info in that one!(n/t) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 13:57:03)

Judie: Not really, not when you consider we know what the other hamsters are up to. :-) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 15:38:14)
HeatherS: These hampster chronicles are too funny! Thanks for the update, Blakwatr! And I love the pic, Judie! (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 20:37:49)
M&M: Did he buy the ferret a drink first? (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 20:47:19)

Blakwatr: Well yes....but he ran up a $76 bar tab and put it on my American Express card. (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 20:53:35)

Dave: May not be his fault, those ferets can be down right sluts. Glad to see ya back Blckwater, been giggling all weekend(n/t) (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 21:04:04)

M&M: Do you mean those ferrets with the real thin hair, that you can see right through? Scandalous! Whats a poor hamster to do? (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 21:34:26)

Blakwatr: I think you all are being entirely to sympathetic to this hampster. He has been offered exspensive help and simply rubs his little nose at it. (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 22:04:27)

Dave: Denial, plain and simple. Can he nae see the pain he spreads in the wake of his self destructive behavior? Oh, the depravity. Does he nae miss his wheel, long for those happy days spent running for the shear joy of the squeks it made? Days gone by, nothing but empty bottles and empty promises. Help him back.(n/t) (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 23:08:19)

Dave: is it shear or sheer, where is Frued when I need him?(n/t) (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 23:10:21)

Judie: I believe it's sheer, Dave. And Freud is busy being dead at the moment. :-) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 04:07:57)
Shadow: BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahah....I just love the hamster updates! Keep 'em coming! :-) (n/t) (27-Feb-2000 22:55:26)
Judie: Ok, we caught ONE of his cohorts - perhaps this will help bring this situation under control!!!! :-) Click here: one down... (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 00:39:42)

Blakwatr: That is the pussy that led my hamster astray!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 06:22:34)
M&M: I think I know where we can find some of the others! I think we have this situation controlled. Its like its all right in the palms of our hands!! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 08:34:28)
Judie: (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 06:09:44)

Hammy: What's all the frickin noise???? (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 06:12:31)
Katie S: The Ferret is a slut huh. Just like a man, blame the woman. Takes two to tangle hammy! I think you need a 12 step program buddy. Ferret's anonomus(sp?) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 09:00:18)

Dave: Isn't it supposed to be No means NO. Not maybe, not well, not I said no, but I meant sure......He was stoned, she was too. It is his faualt. He got what he asked for!(n/t) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 12:41:41)

Colleen L: Show your hamster this one Blakwatr...this is what the ferret was up to as soon as your hamster left the room (what a tramp!)>>> (28-Feb-2000 13:04:07)

Judie: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 13:41:38)
JodiW: OMG!!! Ferret Porn!!! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 16:13:08)

Judie: More like ferret "CORN"! :-) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 18:25:02)

Check it out!
Monday, 28-Feb-2000 18:57:23

Message:
24.113.49.15 writes:A photo is worth a thousand words. This is the hell hole that our furry little friend has fallen into. The only redeeming value is that he picks good scotch.

Hammy Hell Hole

BlakwatrClick here to reply
Replies:

Arbee: ROFL!! He looks a little "stiffed"! Was the bottle open or closed when ye found 'im? (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:10:23)

Blakwatr: The wee fiend was in it! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:11:53)

Arbee: Hahahaaa! Weel, His eyes look like two "p*ss-holes in the snow" if ye ken what I mean! Ye need to get that wee wicked thing to "HAA" and off the Pills too! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:17:16)
Shadow (snickering): It's a shocker for certain! His fur is starting to show his excesses...all matted and dull! And that nose! Och! Has the wee bugger seen what he's doin' to hisself? (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:21:58)

blakwatr: Hopefully these photos will help. Betty Ford allows internet priviledges, and he is a HUGE LOL fan. He kind of has a "thing" for Judy. (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:26:05)
Better keep him away from the Gopher! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:28:07)

Rabbie: One day i will learn to sign my *&^%$# name (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:51:36)
changeling: Hope he wasn't mixing the whisky with what is in those "may cause drowsiness" pill bottles or he may go to hamster heaven! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:49:46)
Dave: Careful Blackwater, confrontational encounters that force him to re-evaluate his sordid life could pressure him into casting off any restraints that hold him. Careful he doesn't play along until he sees an oppurtunity to bolt. His next binge could be his last. But, at 3.99 at Walmart, how much self worth can you have? Let him know that is just the starter price, not the finished product!(n/t) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 19:51:43)

Wendy M.  Dave, has yere mind forsaken ye Lad........do ye truly believe there are any restraints on this wayward, wanton, wicked beastie ???? Nay, I think not. Twould appear he's made his choices ye ken, he's "Hooked on Love", he's "Addicted to Sex", he's "MacJIGGY" and there's no cure !!! Confrontation or no, he's beyond reason, he's a wee fiend wi insatiable appetites, (especially since sharing a twin bed wi ye and Rhonda !!), he's Lust incarnate - we are all in danger Lad, the restraints are alas, too little too late !! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 20:52:39)

Dave: Point of order... I don't play well with others, spent kindergarten in time out for not sharing. Still stingy with my playpretties.(n/t) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 21:12:50)

Wendy M.  Ohhhhhhh Dave, I've a wee feelin' that RHONDA may no be feelin'/knowin (??) that ye "don't play well" - given that yere Cook Books are in the Bedroom and assuming that somethin's "cookin", I'd be verra, verra surprised to hear that ye don't "play well wi others" !! (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 21:25:12)

Dave: Here's to hope!(n/t) (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 21:50:46)
Blakwatr: Now wait a minute.........Dave and Rhonda have slept with my hamster too. Eveyone who has slept with my hamster please step forward. (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 00:11:53)

Dave: That hamster is leading you on a leash, I have seen this kind of thing before. He is filling your ears with "justifacation" and "approval" because your friends are involved so it must be OK. Our bedroom is more than the walls and bed, to much to share with a hopped up hamster or anything or anybody else. Let this WEDGE of deceit split no further.(n/t) (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 07:26:10)

Wendy M. (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 08:00:20)

Wendy M. (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 08:01:03)

And the message is . . . . . . . . . . (WOW) Why do I have the urge to rise and shout "Amen" after readin' that Dave !?!? (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 08:02:38)

Dave: (hands in the air, down on my knees) Amen, brothers and sisters, can I get a hand down from the pulpit. Now sister Blackwater, you tell that little fellow he can not darken the doorway to my happy abode, he can not trample on on the sanctity of my marriage, let him bear the chains that drag him down alone. You tell that little rat that he can did his little box of toys out of our trash can, we threw them away(n/t) (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 08:54:42)

Wendy M.   Nay Dave, I'm thinkin' the legend of the annoyin', pesterin', devil of a scamp, roque, rascal, villanous, puckish, woeful, doleful, wretched, afflicted, contemptible "Dave & Blakwatr" rodent is not to be so easily dismissed nor forgotten. The Hamster is a legend in his own time, a tribute of sotrs to the creativity of this Board and it's posters, I fear he'll lurk these pages forever !!! (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 10:09:11)
Mairghread: Next he'll be starting a whole new chapter of 'hamster anonymous' - after his stay at betty ford, of course.... (n/t) (28-Feb-2000 22:38:54)

Blakwatr: No, he'll probably write some tell all book and go on the circuit. (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 06:21:25)
Joan B.: I heard he learned his bad ways from his glass eyed cousin "HAMMY DAVIS JR." Wonder if he can sing too? (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 13:41:35)
Rabbie: My Hamster needs An Ass Kicking today on Jerry Springer/Maury/Montel/ take your pick.. (n/t) (29-Feb-2000 14:00:05)

A Bit of Encouragement for Hammie!!
Tuesday, 07-Mar-2000 13:05:56

Message:
152.163.206.186 writes:This is such a heart-rending decision to make, but after nights of family discussion, we decided that in order to help poor Hammie, we are willing to come out of the proverbial closet and expose our family jewels skeleton.
Our wee problem was our possessed sweet little hedgehog, Hughie. He was adopted by our family from the last trip to Ireland, and has caused nothing but terror since that day we got him through customs in Toronto and snuck legally brought him over the border to the US.
You see, he was brought up no knowing how to read and hence had the worst self-image problem any hedgehog could possibly have and still survive on a desperate day to day basis. Yes, he had his binges with the bottle and would even try to get "high" on my St. Johns Wort. After getting into the Glenmorangie a few weeks ago, we knew we he had hit bottom (Me, I was terrified, thinking I wouldn't have my single malt when i wanted, knowing that if Hughie was sippin too, that there would be less for me) So with purely selfish ulterior motives on my part, I sent him off to dry out. Packed his wee bag, and took him to the Catholic Service League and hoped and prayed for the best. Well, miracles do happen, let me tell you. We just got Hughie back 3 days ago, and here he is in all his glory. Went to the adult classes across the street from the hospital and took GED and even got his diploma. Well we haven't quit celebrating around here yet--(I even drank locked up the Scotch waiting for a relapse, but no sign of it yet!) Weird thing is, he is now studying for his degree in Sacred Literature and wants to become a Presbyterian Minister--Now THAT has us scratchin our heads, but at least he is now a productive family member! As long as he doesnt start preaching to me about abstinence (of any kind)---then its out the door!
So there is hope and salvation for all wee wicked creatures, if ye only show them the way. Hughie says "Gwood luck and Gowd Bwess You Hammie!" (aye, a wee speech impediment, but we will work on that at a later date)

HUGHIE the Born Again Hedgehog

ArbeeClick here to reply
Replies:

Arbee (with a headache): Well, the wee bugger tried to stop me from posting, so ye will have tae read twix the lines!! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 13:07:19)
Arbee: Ye can go in here, I reposted after I tied the nasy wee bugger up (He still has his ornery days) *sigh*----> (07-Mar-2000 13:10:19)

Mairghread: Tut, darlin'... Just make sure he has his wee pills and he'll be right as rain in no time.... (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 13:48:54)
HeatherM: ROFLMAO!!! Gasp i need air......... (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 13:48:23)
Dave: Careful, the saying goes "Best laid plans of MICE and men...." I think it includes the whole rodent group!. Keep up the good work, fight the good battles, don't let him start his own radio church show! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 14:05:01)
Arbee: Curses!!! Aye, this is better!! Just got me eyes uncrossed to fix this and I hope like hell it worked this time!! --->> (07-Mar-2000 15:33:33)
Blakwatr: Well at least he picked a good Scotish religion. (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 18:15:29)

Thanks
Thursday, 02-Mar-2000 04:06:53

Message:
209.214.135.74 writes:I would like to take a moment to say thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts. Blakwatr has been telling me of your outpouring of love. I am allowed computer useage only 30 minutes a day and most of that time is used to answer e-mails from other rodents, so my LOL time is suffering. But I know with your love and support I will be out very soon.

To Judie:
I realize you may not know of my feelings for you, but I must confess the image of your e-mail address has sustained be through this trying time. I realize you may be saying to yourself. "Hey wait...this guy is related to a rat". Well that is so, but I have the heart of a bunny (or some other more acceptable small animal). You may also be thinking that a realtionship with me would be imposible. But wait.......just think on the bright side, if it doesn't work I only have a two year life span. You wouldn't have to break my heart, just wait for me to croke.

I see your face each day as I run my wheel, and wish you were here to scratch my tummy. With a little luck I may be out by the end of the month. Hopefully you and I can meet and I can express my feelings in person, perhaps over a romantic dinner of lettuce and apples.

I must close this letter now. The men in white coats say it is time for my medicine. Stay just the way you are and I will pray to see you soon.

Yours In Devotion:
Hammy

Hammy the HampsterClick here to reply
Replies:

Rachelle k: Oh Hammy, how did Judie get so lucky to have you as an admirer? You wacky hampster, hope that you feel better soon! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 04:11:56)
Judie: Dear Hammy: hahahahahahahahahahaha ROFL. This is so funny. Unfortunately, as Charyl and CF can attest, I am already in love with Zeke. It's a fairly longstanding relationship in hamster years - nearly a year. He's a dwarf hamster, which works well, my being only 4'9" and all in the first place. Unfortunately, if I kiss Zeke I get a very allergic reaction and chapped lips, so we have had to just be very platonic friends. He's such a darn cutie, though. Oh well, perhaps the three of us can go out for a drink of carrot juice and discuss things upon your release. Thanks for the note - I appreciate. It has lifted my spirits. :-) (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 04:14:29)

Katie: OMG Judie, don't even say the words the three of us to this crazed beast. God alone knows what that will bring to his perverted mind!!! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 07:29:27)

Hammy: Hey Katie....since I struck out with Judie ya wanna (nugde nudge, wink wink) what do ya say. My place or yours. (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 08:09:58)
Katie S: oops that Katie up there is me. Too many of us huh lassies. :O) (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 14:04:27)
Hammy : BLASTED.......those darn dwarfs get all the foxy chicks. Wait, did I mention that I am a millionair. We can produce our own Fox show...."Who wants to marry a rodent millionair?" (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 08:03:26)

Rabbie: HEHE Hammy ye sure ye wanna have aought to do wi a fox.. after all they do have rodents for lunch... (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 09:07:40)
Katie S: I think I know the cure!!! Lets get that wee Fiend a beautiful lady HEDGEHOG! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 08:21:25)

Hammy: NO!!!!! Bad hedgehog expierence at Studio 54. Never again. (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 08:37:06)

M&M: Were you pricked Hammy? (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 12:12:25)
Monique: Bwahahahahahaha! ROTFLMFWAO! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 08:44:44)
M&M: Oh Hammy........Oh all the humans in all the world, you had to fall for Judie. She will only break your wee.....very wee...heart. Get better Hammy! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 09:15:45)
KellyWench: ROTFL!!!!! What an affectionate little scoundrel you are, Hammy. Are you related to the "Hammy" of Captain Kangaroo fame? (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 09:50:56)

Hammy: Well, yes. Actually we are third cousins by marriage. The last I heard he was drying out at the Rothchild Clinic in Munich. (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 10:46:58)

KellyWench: Och, the poor wee sot! My he's quite an old fart now, isn't he?! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 11:27:14)
Chris: Aw, Hammy! Perhaps you need to find a nice gerbil, share some pellets and cozy down in some nice shavings. You can make it dear! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 10:01:20)

Hammy: Well, I think first I shall see some of the world. Maybe I will go with Blakwatr to Scotland this April. Never know....may find myself a rodent Claire. (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 10:06:40)

Chris: Och, but Hammy! I happen to know of a red-haired guinna pig named Jamie who happens to be Claire's hunny! :-) (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 10:58:59)

Hammy: But, I too know this red-headed lad. It just so happens that he is a good 18 months older than I. He'll be dead in six months. (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 11:02:45)
Hedy: Och - poor wee Hammy! You've fallen for Judie and she's taken! Poor Hammy! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 10:38:26)
WendyM. Hammy, Hammy, Hammy . . . . So sorry that Judie blew ye off Lad, howver. . . .Males love little and OFTEN, Women, much and rarely . . .so don't give up the pursuit of another love........Be optimistic, at least until they start movin' animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral. (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 11:27:41)
Rachel: Judie, does Adrian know about Hammy and his love for you??? Isn't he going to be upset when he finds out that you've got a hamster in detox sending you love notes? (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 13:59:04)

Judie: Actually, ADrian and I are thinking of taking him in and giving him a home upon his release. Perhaps I better make sure there's no "666" tattooed on him anywhere beforehand?? :-) (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 14:21:33)

Rachel: Wow, what an understanding guy. It's not every man who would be willing to take in a hamster with the problems that Hammy has. (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 15:36:38)
Blakwatr: Be afraid, be very afraid! (n/t) (02-Mar-2000 16:38:48)

Hammy is Coming Home this Weekend!!!!!

Tuesday, 07-Mar-2000 05:49:39

Message:
209.214.128.73 writes:Our favorite rodent is coming home this weekend from Betty Ford. He is dry as a bone. wooohooo. We are planning a big party complete with diet soda and carrots. Wish him luck!

BlakwatrClick here to reply
Replies:

Dave: I have heard of the little guys making the rebound before, usually they just jump back in at the first chance the get. Hope he doesn't come back preaching to you about how you aint living right, quoting scripture and calling everyone sinners. Nothing like being around reformed rodent! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 07:33:27)
Bev: Maybe you can fix him up with one of the dancing hampsters. They seem pretty wholesome to me. *G* (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 08:26:37)

Blakwatr: No offense Bev......but I saw on Hard Copy that some of those dancing hamsters were once exotic dancers. Can't you just imagine them dancing around with little dollar bills in their g-stirngs. Oh the horror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 17:49:06)
Hedy: You know, a lot of alcoholics suffer other additions as well. So, I am delighted for wee Hammy and wish him well on his continuing recovery, you must keep a close watch on the wee bugger for other problems! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 10:27:11)
Mairghread: Now mind that the aspartane doesn't set the wee bugger off again - them chemicals have a strange effect on hamsters!! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 11:28:45)
WendyM. Och aye Blakwatr, tis a fine and decent plan ye have to welcome the wee fiendish beastie home, but I'm fearin' that after an hour or so o' diet Dr. Pepper and Bugs Bunny hors d'oeuvres, the ribald rodent's wee mind will start to churnin' and thinkin' ... When we drink, we get drunk...When we get drunk, we fall asleep...When we fall asleep, we commit no sin...When we commit no sin, we got to heaven...So let's all get drunk and go to heaven ! ! ! ! ! ! Aye, that's the way of it wi these hooked, habitual Hamsters, they are but Lushes at heart !!! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 12:09:53)

A Bit of Encouragement for Hammie!!
Tuesday, 07-Mar-2000 13:05:56

Message:
152.163.206.186 writes:This is such a heart-rending decision to make, but after nights of family discussion, we decided that in order to help poor Hammie, we are willing to come out of the pervertibial closet and expose our family jewels skeleton.
Our wee problem was our posessed sweet little hedgehog, Hughie. He was adopted by our family from the last trip to Ireland, and has caused nothing but terror since that day we got him through customs in Toronto and snuck legally brought him over the border to the US.
You see, he was brought up no knowing how to read and hence had the worst self-image problem any hedgehog could possibly have and still survive on a desparate day to day basis. Yes, he had his binges with the bottle and would even try to get "high" on my St. Johns Wort. After getting into the Glenmorangie a few weeks ago, we knew we he had hit bottom (Me, I was terrified, thinking I wouldnt have my single malt when i wanted, knowing that if Hughie was sippin too, that there would be less for me) So with purely selfish ulterior motives on my part, I sent him off to dry out. Packed his wee bag, and took him to the Catholic Service League and hoped and prayed for the best. Well, miracles do happen, let me tell you. We just got Hughie back 3 days ago, and here he is in all his glory. Went to the adult classes across the street from the hospital and took GED and even got his diploma. Well we havent quit celebrating around here yet--(I even drank locked up the Scotch waiting for a relapse, but no sign of it yet!) Weird thing is, he is now studying for his degree in Sacred Liturature and wants to become a Presbyterian Minister--Now THAT has us scratchin our heads, but at least he is now a productive family member! As long as he doesnt start preaching to me about abstinence (of any kind)---then its out the door!
So there is hope and salvation for all wee wicked creatures, if ye only show them the way. Hughie says "Gwood luck and Gowd Bwess You Hammie!" (aye, a wee speech impediment, but we will work on that at a later date)

HUGHIE the Born Again Hedgehog

ArbeeClick here to reply
Replies:

Arbee (with a headache): Well, the wee bugger tried to stop me from posting, so ye will have tae read twix the lines!! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 13:07:19)
Arbee: Ye can go in here, I reposted after I tied the nasy wee bugger up (He still has his ornery days) *sigh*----> (07-Mar-2000 13:10:19)

Mairghread: Tut, darlin'... Just make sure he has his wee pills and he'll be right as rain in no time.... (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 13:48:54)
HeatherM: ROFLMAO!!! Gasp i need air......... (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 13:48:23)
Dave: Careful, the saying goes "Best laid plans of MICE and men...." I think it includes the whole rodent group!. Keep up the good work, fight the good battles, don't let him start his own radio church show! (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 14:05:01)
Arbee: Curses!!! Aye, this is better!! Just got me eyes uncrossed to fix this and I hope like hell it worked this time!! --->> (07-Mar-2000 15:33:33)
Blakwatr: Well at least he picked a good Scotish religion. (n/t) (07-Mar-2000 18:15:29)

A little encouragement for Hammy
Friday, 10-Mar-2000 16:28:53

Message:
207.77.56.154 writes:Hi Hammy
My name is Curly and my brother Moe and I have been where you are man...that's right, we have scampered many wheel rotations in your paws!
I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Stick with the fresh fruit and veggies, seeds and nuts - Moe and I have and we celebrated our 2nd birthdays this past January - so it's definitely worth it! Don't meet the porcelein god before your time!!!
And hey man - we are not speciephobic or anything but stay away from the ferrets! They'll wear you out and lead you to temptation everytime!
Hang in there Hammy!

Love,
Curly

Colleen L(on the behalf of my dd's babies)Click here to reply
Replies:

Hammy: Hey dudes, thanks for the encouragement. Cinnamon and I are hoping to start a new life together. Gotta keep it on the straight and narrow. (n/t) (10-Mar-2000 16:32:50)
Judie: I hear cinnamon is excellent for combatting mold.... oh! Anyway, the "porcelain god" - hahahahahahahahahaha. If you cross a hamster and a ferret, would that give you a ferster or a hammet?? Just wondering. Does it depend on which animal was the mother? Like, if the hamster is the mother it's a hammet, or if it's the ferret then the baby is a ferster? Just curious. :-) (n/t) (10-Mar-2000 17:32:57)

Bev (who watches Animal Planet waaaaay too much.): Judie, that's kind of the way it is with tigons and ligers, only I don't remember which parent gets the honor of having the first part of the name. (n/t) (10-Mar-2000 18:43:45)

Judie: "tigon" from "tiglon", male tiger, female lion - but couldn't find "liger" in this online Merriam-Webster, but my guess is the same - so they're going with the male lead. :-) (n/t) (10-Mar-2000 20:40:16)
Colleen L: hahahaha(gasp)...HOSER!:-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (n/t) (10-Mar-2000 19:36:13)
Leslie: I think Hammy looks as though he is training for the triathlon or something, what with those chin-up things he's doing. Who's the babe he's trying to impress? (n/t) (10-Mar-2000 19:43:19)

Latest Adventures of Hammie
Sunday, 12-Mar-2000 19:52:02

Message:
24.113.49.15 writes:Well, seems our little lovable friend has a new room-mate. Her name is Cinnamon and she was one of the hamster dancers till her spiral fall into showbiz. She was admitted to the Betty Ford clinic the same day as Hammie. They plan to live together for a while and if things work out they hope to marry in Scotland. Wish them the best!!!!!

Blakwatr

Hammie and Friend

Hell, Hammy hasn't changed a wee bit!

Wednesday, 22-Mar-2000 16:50:14

Message:
165.91.63.97 writes:I guess this on America's Most Wanted wasn't our reformed little Hammy?

Who is his parole officer? Blackwater?

DaveClick here to reply
Replies:

Charyl: omg! He's one of the trivia pirates. (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 17:27:01)

Dave: Nope, it was Hammy, I am sure. Northern Fla crime spree, knocking over pet stores and feed barns. Running with a gang of Weasels. The photo was taken from survialance camara at a liquor store. They took a bunch of Blended Single Malts and tons of beer nuts. (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 17:31:43)
Blakwatr: No not my baby. The cops have it in for him. He was at bible study. Hammy is being framed!!!!!!e (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 17:34:00)

RDawn: Dave!: Blended Single Malts?? Bwahahahaha!!! (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 19:25:29)
Dave: My baby, bull. you need to turn him in for the reward. Somebody else may! (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 19:40:41)
Colleen L (clicket on the capitals for link): I heard that someone with a bad CATITUDE had puir Hammy framed! (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 17:39:39)

Monique *with tears running down her face*: Bwahahahahahahaha! Colleen, I do believe that's the funniest thing I've seen in a very long time! (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 18:35:35)
JodiW: Hahahahaha - that is too funny!!! Good one Colleen. (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 18:40:49)
Blakwatr: And you talk about my hamster. "People in glass houses....." (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 20:34:12)
Gayle (guffawing): COLLEEN!!! Tears running down my cheeks. Cattitude! Giggles. (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 18:06:12)
Hedy: Colleen, Dave, Blakwtr - thank you for the best laugh I've had in days! Woooo Hoooo! (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 20:37:29)
Judie: Re: Gawd, I love Hammie! He's such a cute darling. :-) (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 21:03:17)
M&M: It's PUFFY HAMMY!!!!! (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 21:47:39)

Chris: I think your right M&M! I thought I recognized him !!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (22-Mar-2000 22:32:01)
Blakwatr: Yeah, and he and Jennifer Ferret got busted at a club one evening last week. (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 06:31:02)

Dave: Where is the long arm of the law? Once agian our well greased judicial sytem has failed us. The little buggerer was in trouble with the law, and some "good ole boy" didn't think to check for warrents. Probably to busy watching the show. Some more info for ya...you said he was at bible study, eh? The during the last grocery store robbery one of the "little thugs" was quoting scripture. Very Pulp Fiction, don't ya think? (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 08:36:49)

Wendy M It was my understandin' that Hammy got himself in that "pickle" at the night club last week because a verra, verra dashin' rogue of a ferret G.Q.FERRET HEREswaggered up to the table where Hammy & Jennifer were sittin', and boldly moved right in on Hammy's territory - you can see how that handsome devil would have been hard for Jennifer to refuse !!! Anyway, after the paws started flying, and the club turned into shambles, and the police hauled him off to jail, Hammy - suffrin terible wi a horrid broken heart, decided he had nothin' to live for, no purpose, no direction anymore, and in that dreadful, pitious state of mind, he fell into a life of crime, robbin' stores, gamin',boozin' again, callously usin' "loose" hamsterettes just to satisfy his carnal needs, and foresakin' all that is decent and good. (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 13:07:04)

Oh, Hammie.........
Thursday, 23-Mar-2000 10:11:42

Message:
207.193.217.121 writes:Hey, Puff Hammie, your little Jenny girl needs help picking a dress. What do you think of this one? Step inside my dressing room, baby!

Jennifer GerbilClick here to reply
Replies:
Dressing Room
Thursday, 23-Mar-2000 10:13:46

207.193.217.121 writes:I have to use tape to hold it in place which is going to hurt like hell when I rip it off my fur! However, I think it's worth it because look how much of my nice cleavage shows!

Jennifer Gerbil

Lady J: Jenny Girl...doont cha know that you're supposed to leave um guessin'? It is rather fetching though. (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 10:16:50)
Hedy: Why you little tart! Shameless! Outrageous! Cute as heck too! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 10:28:57)
Blakwatr: Not in my home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 18:06:08)
Bev F: Lookin good there, Jennifer G! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 11:33:03)
Bev: BwaaaHaaaHaaa! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 12:20:30)
Black Douglas: Hammie's going to flip when Blakwatr shows him this, I'm not showing it to him 'cause he may run away from home before Blakwatr gets in from work. (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 14:28:38)
M&M: Hammie, get her the dress from the Grammys! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 17:39:40)

Late breaking news!!!!!

Details on The Early News!

Lazy, Evil, Bad, Bitchy, Grumpy, Need a Bath Pirates!Click here to reply
Replies:

Liz K. or LizLiz: They look like my next door neighbors. The cops had to talk to one of them. I'd much rather have the babies on the wallpaper live in my building. They don't drink. (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 16:48:33)
Nancy V: Gee....I was just thinking stripped shirt sulking over in the corner was looking kinda cute...and then I was thinking brooding man in handkerchief had a way about him....hehehhee!!! Perhaps it's all that great Purple Prose!!! .I'm working on that great trivia!!. poor wee Hammy....hehehhee!! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 16:58:39)
M&M: HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 17:36:48)
Blakwatr: It is our policy not to negotiate for hostages. Hammy knew the risk when he signed on with that "crew". (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 17:55:33)
Cinnamon: Oh No!!!! Someone do something. My poor Hammy. And we were planning on having a dozen or so babies after the wedding in Scotland. Will someone do something????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 17:57:16)

Adrian Paul: Dinna fash, Cinnamon - I will search for Hammie and save him from the rotten pirates! (n/t) (24-Mar-2000 04:46:54)
Hammie's Mom (Big Mama): If you harm on little whisker on my son's head, I will make all you bastards pay. Don't mess with me. (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 17:59:38)

Judie: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha (n/t) (24-Mar-2000 01:35:17)
Adrian Paul: Rest assured, Hammie's mom, I shall leave no stone unturned to save Hammie's hair! (n/t) (24-Mar-2000 04:49:49)
HeatherS: Well, if there wasn't 50 trillion questions, maybe we'd all be moving a little faster! *G* However, I'm working on it and now have extra incentive to save poor Hammy! (n/t) (23-Mar-2000 22:32:50)

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